Annamaree’s Story

“I was by myself with the surgeon when I was diagnosed. I didn’t have a support person with me and after I was told, I just drove home. I didn’t know what to do and I don’t have a partner so I just didn’t tell anyone for a while. Looking back, it would have been good to be given some advice about how to tell people. I had never been diagnosed with cancer, I lead a very healthy lifestyle (my cancer was caused by a mutated gene) and it was an entirely new and unexpected situation for me.

I was in hospital for 8 weeks. I underwent two major bowel surgeries, which were successful at removing most of my bowel, but unfortunately I developed post-operative complications. I was only meant to be in hospital for one week, so being there for so many weeks, and being so unwell, was a shock. I had never been in hospital for longer than two days (years ago, when I gave birth to my son) so I didn’t know how hospitals worked. I didn’t know that I had to keep up with all of my medications, and know exactly when each one was due. I would have liked to have fresh bedding, and a shower every day, but that often didn’t happen, even when the ward wasnt full at all. Some of the nurses were incredibly kind to me and I was very grateful to them.

When I was discharged from hospital, I didn’t know that home help should have been organised. I am raising my little boy by myself and I am single, but no assistance at all was organised before I was discharged. I have been trying to access home help since I have been at home but it has been over two weeks now and I have not been able to access any help at all. Recovery is very painful and while I am grateful that the cancer hasn’t spread, I am really struggling with looking after myself and my son, and doing work around the house, etc. I am not well enough to return to even part-time work yet.

My son found it to be a very frightening experience. His school teacher and Principal were incredibly kind and supportive, which really helped. My son stayed with my parents for the entire time I was in hospital, which was great. It made me think a lot about parents who get diagnosed with cancer and who are raising their children entirely on their own – I wondered where their children go if their only parent is in hospital for weeks on end, and they don’t have family who live nearby. I asked a number of health professionals what support is available to parents who are diagnosed with cancer and raising their children alone, and nobody could tell me about any system that is currently in place. I felt very sad about that, and I felt lucky that I had such amazing family support.

While I had a number of incredibly supportive friends, and my family were amazing, I did notice that a number of close friends completely ghosted me after I told them about my cancer diagnosis. They never visited me during the 8 weeks I was in hospital and I still have not seen or heard from them. I really wasn’t expecting that to happen. In the media, we often see people who are really sick with cancer being very well supported by their friends, family and community. I realised that not all people with cancer have friends who choose to be supportive.

I would like people to know that if a friend tells them that they have been diagnosed with cancer, the absolute worst thing they can do is just ignore those people. Being diagnosed with cancer is a very scary, isolating experience and to be rejected by close friends at such a vulnerable time is absolutely devastating.

I would also like to add that if you have a friend who has been diagnosed with cancer and is also raising their children on their own, it is really helpful if you can offer to have their children over to visit for a playdate, or take them out for the afternoon, etc. My son really loved being around his friends during the time I was in hospital and I am extremely grateful to all the lovely parents of his friends for having him over to their houses, etc.”